It doesn’t matter whether you’re a bouncer or someone who’s been to too many parties – you would have encountered fake ID bravado.
Nothing makes someone lose their head in the clouds quite like when they have the power to live in a fictional pair of shoes for an evening. And it can end in some interesting results.
Whether you’re on the receiving end or merely a passive observer, it helps to know the signs. We’ll be looking at four of the most obvious ones that can expose a faker right in their tracks.
1. They’re trying to Look 20 Years Older in Their Picture
Appearance is a key part of deception, and it’s one of the basic ways the world works. If you see a guy rolling downtown in a police uniform, you’re inclined to believe he’s an officer, even if he isn’t.
The same principle can apply to using a fake ID. However, there’s a fine line between doing it right and doing it past the point of no return. This is the line that an outright poser simply can’t grasp.
This is where you will find teenagers raiding their parents’ or grandparents’ closets for anything that screams “midlife crisis” and putting it on for the sake of their ID picture.
The look goes complete with a dull sweater, some horn-rimmed specs, and maybe an attempt at trying to look stern.
The idea behind it is simple. They want to stroll up to the bouncer of their local bar and confuse them by looking like an adult.
However, the truth is that this cartoonish portrayal is like walking on stilts under a trench coat. It doesn’t work, but it’s a good laugh for everyone on the sidelines.
2. They Try Too Hard to Feign Confidence
Doing something sketchy always comes with a side of nerves. The sketchier the task, the easier it is to get all jittery. Unfortunately, there’s no masterclass on how to come to terms with nervousness while doing something shady.
But walk up to your local fake ID poser and they’ll tell you otherwise. In fact, they have it all figured out. You see, according to them, if you can’t be confident, you can fake it. If you can mask the tremble in your voice, it’s all good, right?
While it’s cute that someone can believe they can overpower their primal actions, it never works out. Not only is it damn near impossible to just stop being nervous, but it’s also not a switch you can just turn on or off.
If you try too hard, you’re only inducing secondary nervousness – the kind of nervousness you get by wondering if you’re looking a little too nervous. That’s always a hoot.
Don’t tell any of this to any unsuspecting poser. Just sit back and watch them try to take control of themselves.
It always ends in them retreating with their tail between their legs. It’s guaranteed to be worth the price of admission.
3. Their Fakes Are from the “Money” States
The unspoken rule is that you should never use a fake from the state you are living in. It definitely makes sense.
After all, if you’re using a forged ID, you wouldn’t want it to be from the state that is most recognizable.
However, ‘out of state’ can mean 49 different things to someone. To most, it’s usually just a list of 5 or 6, but to a poser, it’ll be a surprise if they can count their options on three fingers. That’s when things get interesting, to say the least.
When tasked with picking a state for their bogus ID, your fake ID poser will likely default to the ones that pop out the most. That’s why you’re usually going to spot states like Florida, Los Angeles, or California on there.
There’s no rhyme or reason to it either. They want something out of state, and these states are usually the first one or two on their mind. The only problem here is that it’s painfully easy to see through.
After all, most of Middle America is hidden under the obscurity of unremarkable states. Save for a few noteworthy cultural capitals, you’re mostly cruising through farmlands in the rest of the US.
So, while places like Idaho and Vermont might not be as Hollywood as LA or NY, they’re also less likely to look shady on a 16-year-old’s fake.
4. They Rehearse for All the Wrong Things
The best identities are the ones you can sport with a compelling narrative. When done right, it can put someone under your deceptive spell. However, if you flub it, you’re probably going to be found out.
This is why if you have a try-hard willing to use a fake, they’re going to try and put on their best performance. They’ll even go so far as to invent a whole script. There’s only one problem – it’ll be for the wrong things.
See, while it’s easy to bury your head in the possible line of questions a bouncer will ask you, it’s hard to know for sure. This makes it easy to get lost in your own head.
For example, a poser might memorize their DOB if they’re ever asked about it, but if the question is posed as, “What’s your horoscope?” that’s a recipe for disaster.
It’s safe to say that you’ll get a laugh or two watching these method actors crumble under their own weight. It’s enough to make James Dean roll in his grave.
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